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FANTASY LIFE.
Monday, December 22, 2008
recently quite happy... the feeling of being single is not that bad actually... because I can do what I want to do... go where I want to go... think what I want to think... this is the life I have been looking forward to...
people... stupid woman... You just wait... your happiness will not last long... because it is built on others pain and sadness...
I have a new gal in my life... her name is Chanel... she is quite nice... hope that we can really try out...
late again... sleep bah... Rei... you must be strong...
---------------Leaving on Fantasy--------------- ; {12:08 AM}
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Monday, December 15, 2008
I am on my way to success... the keypoint now is about marketting... engage in trading business.. doing all brands of laptops at 20% - 25% of the market price outside...anyone out there who needs a laptop may contact me...
And... who you think you are? do not try to act cocky with me... if you are not going to save my face... even i do not have any ulterior motive... then sorry to say... you are a loser who cannot accept the fact... do not bother to tell people that you are modest and generous... time will tell the truth... that you have a terribly fuck up attitude...
peoplr with no aim in life... laugh my ass off... maybe you all will think I should mind my own business... but I can tell you all... if you look down at me I will look down even more at you all... because you all are human who cannot understand yourself... idiot and moron should not comment about me...
goodnight...
---------------Leaving on Fantasy--------------- ; {12:37 AM}
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Thursday, December 11, 2008
Living in happiness while stepping on others' agony and sadness... is this called life?
Smiling while knowing people are crying for you... is this called kind-hearted?
She had change to a person I can never recognised... extremely disappointed...
Doing sideline business now... I hope to go China soon... going on next month to take a look at my new office... Hopefully I can cope well with the new environment...
Retribution will takes place... It is just a matter of time... Stupid women... Lol...
Fuck off... I do not need you all...
---------------Leaving on Fantasy--------------- ; {3:54 PM}
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Friday, December 5, 2008
so long I never take a look into my thumbdrive... in fact I lost track of how long I never used it... happened to come across a file inside, named "Final"... open up and realised that it is the last letter I wanted to pass to her... but I will never ever have the chance anymore... here is the letter...
It has been a long time since I wrote you a letter, for how long even I cannot remember. Remember our story, piggy and wild boar? Always for nothing I will start to write down words and feelings on love letter and pass to you, secretly or directly, I do not know. Now I really losing the confidence about myself, how truthful will I be if I am going to write you another letter? A confide of my internal feelings? Will I still get any trust from you, even a little?
Remembered that time, when I saw you in Chinese garden, I knew something was haunting me after that. It was the feeling of afraid, in my heart I already know that I am going after you. I know that I want to be with you, I know I like you, but at the same time I felt fear. The feelings were too hard to explain, looking back now on the past I can finally say out. I was afraid that, what if I day I lose you? What if one day I do not love you anymore? Countless failure in relationships stranded my movement, strong struggle in my heart, internal mental wars broke out in me, and I decided to give it a try. I do not want to lose the chance; I want to be in love with you, I chosen this path.
The first few months with you was really sweet and happy, thinking of you every time especially before I went to sleep every night. Miss the feeling of holding your hands firmly and never let go, miss the feelings of hugging you tight, I really felt like the luckiest man in the world, because I had you. To others you might not mean anything, but to me you are everything, you were my world. At that time, I never failed to send you to work and fetched you back home after work, a “full-time job” I had been on for about one year. Whenever you were closer to your work place or closer to your house, my feelings ran wild, the time clicked faster. I appreciated the time and the frequency was getting faster and stronger, “Chou Ren”, I really love you.
Sorry that I never treat you well, that time my mobile was not on in-coming call free basis. Meticulous calculation of talk time I can gave you every night really made me treasure the time on phone with you, sang love songs on phone with you, sweet talks between you and me brighten up my day. Slowly and gradually, I gave in more and more, and the same time I afraid that what will happen if I were to lose you? The fear hit me, but with love and care I ignored, because I know with you nothing else can shaken me, I hold on strong to it and I really love you. The self depiction of me was getting blurred within myself but I can see you, really love you a lot, really.
You told me, no matter what we will be together, at first we were still keeping a lot things to ourselves. You were not sure about yourself and neither did I, we were both recovering from past relationship and we had fights. Few times you want to end this relationship but at the end you relented, really thank you for that. You taught me lot things, simple things: how to dress up, how to smile, how to say thank you, how to appreciate others. All these really helped me a lot in building up my confidence, you words gave me power to stand up again. We will be happily together and forever we will, am I right? This question was kind of joke at that point of time, never thought that it will be the doubt of us down the road.
I began take you for granted, I started to flirt around; I thought you will always be my side no matter how bastard I am. The strong tolerance in you made you forgive me, the trust in you gave me chances to fool around and hurting you, I took both things as granted and I went around with Star. You were very disappointed and angry but you acted dumb, by knowing that one day I will regret by doing so. Time proved that you are right, you know me better than me. This was the major first I hurt you, sorry for being inconsiderate about your feelings, “du bu qi”.
I had return to you, this time I saw her true face, her flirtatious and bad characteristics, but I am in wrong as the initiator of all these, for once more, I apologize for my unfaithfulness to you, and thank you for gave me a chance that time. You never failed to believe in me even when the whole world doubted me, words cannot describe my feelings. I sworn to myself that I will love you much, more than ever, I really did, but only for less than a year and I started to repeat the same mistake again, even to someone I haven met in real life and I can said I love her. How naïve and foolish am I unable to see you again? You had a lot choices but you chose to stand with me, and I only knew to blame you, vent my anger on you whenever I been feeling down.
Getting bored, this word is what I said to you, because I take you for granted and I been too self-centered that you have to listen to whatever I said. I flirted again with Kelly, I pushed you aside, I chose to gave up on you for her, thought she is truthful to me, I just being too narrow-minded, but god want me to learn my lesson, in a harsh and hard way. When I wanted to turn back this round, you already left. Never ever wanted to blame you, but I did not treasure those tons of chances you have given me, and moreover you not asking for much from me, “HONESTY”, I failed to do so, always want to find reasons to cover up my everything, because I was flirting. My instinct told me I am doing the wrong thing but my heart wanted to play, spanked myself hard on face few times now, what am I doing, worse than a kindergarten kid?
Lao po, I know I apologized too much, it is impossible for you to forgive me now; with shameless and willing to die I still have to say, I AM SORRY. Shah told me, “I know that you just feel very tired, you feel like finding a corner and cry out, but you realized you cannot.” I really feel very tired now, if my body is as weak as my heart I would have collapsed long time ago, the only reason for me to hold on now is you.
If I promised that I will not hide from you anymore, I will give you my utmost honesty; will you give me a chance? I know you cannot believe me anymore, but give me a last chance, really a last chance to let me love, care, and concern for you again. Being sitting down alone for few days makes me having a clearer mind now, my temper calmed down and I really hoping for a chance to hold your hands again.
Contact me if you willing to give it a try on me, on the hopeless kid who is really giving all out this time round to change. I will be waiting, forever…
Here ends the letter...
really no comment... sayonara...
---------------Leaving on Fantasy--------------- ; {4:49 PM}
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Thursday, December 4, 2008
My sore throat did not seen to recover... since Monday til now... my phlegm still green-yellowish in colour... my friends say I have more macho and sexy voice now... lol...
something bad happened yesterday... It is going to ruin my career path anytime... Just hope that when year 2009 is here things will get better bah... but the economic like shit now... how to survive without a job sia? sigh...
Christmas is coming... I really hate it... because this year I will have no one by my side to celebrate with me... I know I should not think about it anymore... In the deep down of my heart, I still cannot let go... but this will only be exposed when I really drunk... I experienced it once and it really hurts...
nah... gonna sleep early now... tomorrow is Friday... Dragonfly trip and 3 cannons awaiting for me... lol... gonna save up more stamina now... oyasuminasai...
---------------Leaving on Fantasy--------------- ; {10:37 PM}
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Tuesday, December 2, 2008
feeling terrible now... I hardly get sick... now down with sore throat and flu again... but cannot take mc anymore... being warned by HR and boss... die die also must come work... luckily later I on half day off...
went back to hometown with Happy last weekend... hesitated a lot before I brought her back with me... afraid about people opinion's towards her lol... she performed well sia... can talked well with my relatives... though I do not know what they are thinking... but heck care la... I just need a companion... feel so shameful on the fact that I actually skipped hometown visit for almost 2 years... especially during chinese new year...
thinking of continue my studies further more by taking up a master programme... either MBA or something else... do not wish to stop at this stage... I told myself that I will never let people look down at me anymore... and I will never bother about haughty and childish person... the agitation will not work on me... I will persevere through all these...
---------------Leaving on Fantasy--------------- ; {8:55 AM}
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